Four months ago, I had high hopes and big dreams for today. Today is here, but those thoughts are nothing but a distant memory. So many things have changed. This week alone, in addition to all kinds of work stress, add a funeral to that, and then even more saddening news of a friend being diagnosed with breast cancer four days ago. It's starting to feel like the down dog getting kicked, again.
The GR Marathon is a close race, but it didn't feel that way driving to it this morning. All prior times, the car is filled with chatter of close friends. Today, time stands still on this dark, quiet, morning as my car is empty. I am alone and it feels that way. On a day that I wanted some magic to happen for myself, all I can think about is how cancer changed the course of today's plan, not once, but twice. F*ck you cancer!
Today, is about dedicating a run to my friend. Her fight is just starting, it's going to be way more difficult than any marathon, half marathon, any race I've ever bitched about here in this blog. I don't feel trained to go out and crush a race, but prior to lining up, I told myself at any point during the race when I felt like quitting, heard the voices to easing up, I couldn't. She is going to have to fight hard and can't quit, so either can I on this day.
I've rolled up to races with Superman under my top layer, for moral support. I've gone without any layers to intimidate. As the top layer comes off today, it's pink, so show support for my friend. This one's for you today, because trust me, it's not my color (not to mention the cut is all funny)!
Ready, Fiiiiight! Goes the gun. The first two miles were fast and relaxed. Miles three and four were quicker with the crowd support downtown. At around six, I could begin to feel this summer's training kick in, not in a good way either. Trained by running way to fast this whole summer and it took it's toll on me. By nine, the fight was here. The voices started, "ease up", "relax", "slow down". Way too early for this shit! Fight! Ten, eleven, twelve, were all the same way. It's unfair my fight only had to last thirteen on this day, not even a close representation of her fight, but those last miles were a struggle to argue and prevent my body taking the easy way out. Doesn't even begin to compare to my friend's looming struggle, but every time that voice started, I thought of her and that awful "c" word. F*ck you cancer!
In the end, didn't pull off some miracle time like I would have wanted to. But all things considered, everything that happened this past week, not sure how I pulled off the time that I did. One of the very few times when I can say I put everything I had out there on this day. Crossing the line was emotional. There have been plenty of races where I wanted to cry, from the pain, suffering, or placement, but today was different. On this day, it was a hand gesture trying to form the symbol of the pink ribbon over my heart and lets just say I was an emotional mess crossing the line.
This is a special message from me to you cancer, you picked the wrong girl to mess with. You are going to lose, she BQ in her first marathon (on a nightmare course) for Pete's sake, you've got NO chance! In fact, you'd be best to stay away from ALL the girls in my group! Each one of them is tougher than anything you have and you WILL to lose EVERY time! Fuuuuuuuck you cancer!
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