Same but Different

7:59 AM I find myself standing in roughly the same spot I was a year ago.  The goals, slightly different, but I suppose the primary goal is still the same, survive 26.2 miles.  Last year was all about being my first Marathon.  This year, I already decided it would be called redemption, because I felt the course got the best of me.  All the horrible thoughts and nightmares are gone, I was still found myself nervous.  Not so much about finishing, but being able to achieve the goal I set for myself.

3:30 is the time I want.  Five months of training and I feel confident I can do it.  I've been running very consistent throughout training and it seems like a very reasonable goal.  With my 5K PR and my Half Marathon PR, in the past two months, it's only fitting to PR this Marathon.  On the mental side, I missed one long run of twenty miles and CT's been injured.  It shouldn't, but missing that one run does cause mental anguish for some reason.  I found myself stuck in a debate of trying to make that run up or doing what everyone says and rest the final two weeks of training.  With CT injured, it feels like I've been alone for a long time.  I miss the energy that comes from small successes of her having a good run, or her getting excited about accomplishing something.

My biggest fear is the weather this year.  Five months of running in the snow, then suddenly temps are in the 70's.  My body does not adjust to the heat at all.  If I could have done some kind of cold weather dance before this thing started, I would have done it!

8:00 the race starts.  The first fifteen miles, exactly as planned.  Felt like I was running easy, legs felt good, and I was about two minutes ahead of my goal.  CT and one of our other running friends bounced around the course and it was always nice to see their smiling cheering faces at various points.  Then I don't know if this was a sign of things to come or a simple mistake, but I dropped both ibuprofen I decided to take at the water stop.  Even though I was still feeling good, figured I'd try to be preemptively strike any aches and pains for the last half.  True runners don't care, at least that was my feeling, so I picked them up off the ground and ate them dirt and all.  A spectator watched me do it and my comment was "a little extra protein won't hurt".

Looking back, I think my lack of coordination to successfully take two ibuprofen capsules from my pocket to my mouth was probably a sign that the end was coming.  By mile seventeen, I knew I was getting slower, which I had planned for, but I was also starting to feel the tell tale signs I was beginning to overheat.  About this time is when the 3:30 pace group caught up to me and passed me.  Unlike last year, I wasn't crushed as they went by, I knew the heat was going to be a problem.  By mile eighteen, I had to walk to rest.  Knowing that I'd have to mix walking and running just to finish from this point on, my goal wasn't even in the equation anymore and it became about just finishing without hurting myself.  Race another day.

Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's some experience under my shoes, but what I'm taking away from this Marathon is sometimes elements out of your control make goals impossible.  It just wasn't my day.  A year ago I vowed to return to this race to beat it, well it got me again this year.  Same but different, last year was the wall, this year was the heat.  Maybe the third time is the charm, we'll find out next year.  Until then, enjoy it Kalamazoo Marathon, I'm not going to give up and I'll be back to run all over you!